The “Cookie Myth” or “Why I Choose The Chip”
My mother is a fantastic cook. She is the kind of woman who reads cookbooks for fun. This is intellectual stimulation for her. She raised her children with the belief that the kitchen is the center of the house, and a home’s quality can be judged entirely by evaluating its kitchen. She is a cook of such fabulous renown that she has written her own cookbook (albeit unpublished). For 28 years, my brother and I have labored under the belief that she would one day open one of those hidden away restaurants that is considered a local gem. We even had a name for it, “the Elk Horn Café”. And we knew that one day Zagats or those star people would walk through the door and people from all over the world would converge on our little center of the universe for the finest rustic dining and down home cooking in the Southwest. This was destiny. Fate. As much a simple fact of life as my little brother being taller than me. It simply was.
Anyone who has ever tried my mothers chocolate chip cookies will tell you that they are the best chocolate chip cookies ever made. The chips melt in your mouth and the cookie itself is lightly crispy on the outside and soft and chewy on the inside. In fact the origin of the term “ambrosia”, which means “nectar of the gods”, can be traced back to “ambroscia”, a shortening of “A Mom Beverly’s Superior Cookie”.
For years, when you asked my mom why her cookies were like a gift from god, complete with little halo’s, she would tell you she just followed the instructions on the bag of chips. This was clearly false because her imitator’s cookies paled in comparison (most famously my grandmother, much to my misfortune). Only in the last six months has she seen fit to reveal her secret, and even then, only to a select few.
Having realized as I have reached adulthood that her unparalleled cookbook or the Elk Horn Café are unlikely to ever see the light of day, I feel I cannot keep this secret from the world. The secrets I am about to reveal may win me the Nobel Prize for Humanitarian Service to the World, and it may win me recognition by the United Nations. The President may want to have dinner or merely a few good cookies with me, but I do it not for these reasons. I do it simply because I am a good person. Imagine how the world would be different if the person who invented fire did not share their knowledge. What if we had never learned of the discovery of the wheel, or the cell phone, or crepes. I will not be the one to deny the world of information meant to ease the suffering of millions.
The secret is Fleischmann’s Original margarine, softened. For some reason, using this instead of butter produces near-magical results. When asked to comment, a representative of Fleischmann’s said: “We are obviously proud of our product and believe it has many benefits compared to ordinary butter and we are excited to hear that your mother has demonstrated conclusively that using Fleischmann’s margarine creates great tasting chocolate chip cookies.”
Regardless, here is the recipe, as my mother wrote it. She has a flair for the dramatic.
The “Cookie Myth” or “Why I Choose the Chip”
Preheat over 375 degrees Combine in a small bowl (dub this mixture A):
- 2 ¼ cups unbleached flour
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1 teaspoon salt
Mix lightly
In a large mixing bowl:
- 1 cup (2 sticks) Fleischmann’s Original margarine, softened
- ¾ cup granulated sugar
- ¾ cup packed light brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Cream (mix really well) mixture. -use electric beaters Add 2 large eggs (emphasis hers), one at a time, mixing well after each addition. Add flour mixture (A) slowly, mix well; batter will be stiff.
Remove electric beaters and mix into batter 1-12 oz pkg Nestle’s Semi-Sweet Morsels. Drop by rounded teaspoons onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake 8-9 min, until just brown. Let rest on cookie sheet 2 min.; remove to rack (or wax paper) to cool completely before placing in airtight container. </ol> Happy Eating – Mom
Various things on the original page are circled or have a box drawn around them. What do these boxes mean? What do underlines mean? Do they contain some secret code that unlocks cookie nirvana? I don’t know. I have omitted them for clarity.
Now, I might imagine you are an editor at a major magazine of some renown. And you may look at this and say “contrary to Mr. Halliburton’s other writing, this has absolutely no literary merit. My word, the grammar is even worse than usual. There is no reason I should publish this.” But you would be wrong, except about the grammar. Imagine instead the stacks of letters praising your decision to publish this information that would stream in. Imagine the sales volume sky-rocketing. Imagine the pass through readership and resulting increase in advertising revenue you could leverage from that.
The world clamors for the secret to the perfect chocolate chip cookie. The world clamors for my mother’s imitable writing style consisting of random semi-colons, boxes, and underlining. Do not deprive them! Do not short-change your own career. Look at the benefit that accrued to the discoverer of the Elvis, the Backstreet Boys, and Martha Stewart. This could be you!
Thank you. And Happy Eating.